THE RHYTHM OF MENOPAUSE RETREAT
Silver Haired Croness by Debbi Walker
“She is within her cave, the inky darkness holds her in a comforting embrace. The flickering fire sees the shadows dancing on the wall. Unfamiliar visions of unchartered waters, unfamiliar feelings with new ways to learn. Now a time where only stillness will do in that moment. No one, not a sound, no thing, only her heartbeat.
Her days are like delicious conundrums. One day she will dance and sing, with obvious abandonment, arms outstretched at the wonder of life and yet, another day she retires deeply into the place of the deepest solitude where only the whispering breeze stirs her memories of her womanly imprints on the land in ages past. Her footsteps have slowed as she takes in the beauty of all around her. She has no need to be anywhere any more.
She feels times where the heat rises like an inferno from the very tips of her toes to the last hair on her head, and other times where she wraps herself up against the chill wind that is not there. The cycle of heat and cold become her friends, she will greet each one with interest and objective viewing.
Then the cascades of tears of happiness, tears of sadness, tears of pain, tears of joy. Which one is which as they merge, blending in each micro moment and the deeper into her cave she wanders, the less of everything she feels. The darkness cocoons her, the dark Mother sings her a lullaby and rocks her to sleep.
She can sleep, then she wakes, sleeps again and then not. No time is recognised as time doesnot exist to the Croness, only the Moon creates more magical moments as the Silver Celestial Goddess governs her womanly ebb and flow. Only - there is no flow now, only in the river of tears for the loss of the Mother of her fertile growth and in that moment the Croness sees the truth. A new dawn has come. A transition into the Silver light. She embraces this in her strength of the life she has evolved of maiden, the Mother, now Croness and looks forward to the wisdom of her full Crone years.
The Croness looks far into the flames of the fire she lit for warmth and comfort. She sees within the flickers of golden burnished orange a young maiden with hopes and dreams. Willow like, strong, beautiful in her innocence. Her laughter reaching the ears of the Croness - the memories of the folly of such youth brought a gentle smile to the Croness as she embraced the maiden in her arms, and whispered, "I love you".
Already the Croness is wise, as she knows what to do....she is in her cave, the inky darkness holds her in a comforting embrace.
The wolves sit at the door - three wolves who love the Silver haired Croness. They sit and listen to the echos of the cave whispers from the ancient ones. Their ears on alert, their bodies poised, standing guard, sentinels beyond the realms of duty, such is the love.”
2 January 2018
Copyright © Debbi Walker
Never give up! Even when you are feeling in the depths of the shadow self, never give up on You. Know that all will play out in Divine Timing and all WILL be well. The Creator and your God and Goddess Self walks with you. The gestation period of New life leading to Rebirth on so many levels is a wonderful blessing yet can be SO unfamiliar too and gentle integration needs to be honoured every step of the way.
Within my Menopause Journey I went deep deep into a dark cave where I was comfortable and safe. I stayed there for 3 months, in the dark, making peace with the shadow within. I was happy there. OK in the nothingness. Shutting out the world as I experienced the bubbling inferno of the Menopause was the only thing I could do to survive. Like an internal earthquake and Tsunami hitting my core time after time. Shaking and rocking my familiar foundations. What WAS familiar no longer was. WHO was I? There was a void of self. Hard to explain the depth of the emptiness as my body status changed from mother towards the pathway of Croness. Hard to explain the non self yet I know some of you will know what I mean.
By honouring, listening and withdrawing from everything and everyone I was able to give my energy time to settle. This was the time of my life where I could not be there for anyone else as I had nothing left to give. Every day was a day of quiet acceptance, sitting gently in the shadow self.
When I felt able to take small steps to the entrance of the cave I moved forward tiny step by tiny step. I had cancelled most of my work for 6 months and concentrated on me. A time of self appreciation, not even self care I was too tired to even do that, just a gentle self honouring every single day.
In that shadow place I almost gave up my business. I was thinking of selling it. My life work, my loving Dharma almost was too much. How could I carry on when I didn't even know who I was? Was I living a lie? I couldn't make even the simplest decision. Yet every day I immersed myself in my Sound Medicine and every day I became stronger and more aware of my part to play in humanity. To say my sounds saved me would be an understatement. It fuelled my resolve to rebuild slowly and steadfastly.
So fast forward to now. Like in areas nature has created destruction, everything is rebuilt from the bottom up. A slow process yet one of that inherent steely resolve that so many in conscious humanity has.
These past few months I have been tuning in, channelling, writing, growing and birthing. New Sound Course offerings have come to fruition as I fully embrace what I am here to do. I am so excited to be sharing these alongside my work already. Am I OK to get on the busy bus again? Yes, because I have a good driver (My God and Goddess Self) who makes frequent stops and rest times. It's all about balance on all levels.
In July, I experienced a sound bath with my dear friend Sika, a fellow Sound Brother. I had a vision, so real and so true, so prophetic. I share with you here:
"I was laying on a bed, dressed in white, underneath me a pyre had been made, all was quiet and still, I was alone taking my last breaths. As I reached out my hand it was taken gently by someone who stood close by. As she held my hand I felt such love fill my weary body.
"I gently opened my eyes and my eyes met hers. A beautiful wise elder with long flowing silver hair, twinkling hazel eyes and a gentle smile on her mouth. "It's time beautiful child, it's time to surrender and let go," she whispered to me. And in that moment I took my last breath and the 'I' of me died.
"As I stepped out of my body I saw Debbi's Soul begin to merge and meld with the Soul of the wise elder. I saw the union of the two become One and as this happened the elder began to shine a luminence so bright I had to shield my eyes.
"I then witnessed the rebirth as both Souls came together as the wise elder in all her luminosity began to split open, a slow, deliberate painful yet necessary birthing and Debbi emerged, vulnerable yet eyes open wide and inquisitive, like a new born baby. A core strength like no other. In that moment I realised I had been hiding for too long and again the words came, "IT'S TIME".
"I was merged with my ancient Divine wisdom. I could see the ancient DNA helix entwined and shining as it had been reignited. The wise elder was within me as it WAS me from my millennia of existence. I fell in love with myself again. No more alone. I was finally free to truly be in my powerful Truth. I finally 'saw' me. I was HOME"
I share this in my truth and my love for myself, You and all people on their life journey right now. Know that all will be well in Divine Timing always. I feel so happy and peace in the simplicity of life.